Edgy commentary with emphasis on why respect is earned, not demanded.
*Loraine Osgood glanced at the friends seated across thetable and sighed inwardly, as another man gave her thebrush off for the umpteenth time. Looking around the roomshe wondered why the men were deliberately ignoring her."Stupid jerks," she whispered. "Those idiots won't give methe time of day. What's up with that?" she said, fingeringthe buttons of her dress.
Five drinks later Loraine made a beehive to the restroom,where she bumped into a man she had spotted earlier. "Aw,don't you men know the meaning of respect?" she asked,slurring her words. Caught off guard by the question, theman muttered "Do you?" After a long pause Loraine walkedaway without answering.
When Aretha Franklin clamored for R-E-S-P-E-C-T in 1967, mensuddenly became aware of how they treated women. And 38years and a thousand arguments later, women are stillcalling on men to respect them. Only now the rules havechanged, and the only way women can get members of theopposite sex to hold them in high esteem, is by process ofelimination. That simply means respect is earned, notautomatically given as many women believe.
For example, ever notice that some women get the Hey Babytreatment while others receive the Ms. or Miss salutationregardless of age or race? In coming to grips with thisissue, I'm convinced that when it comes to the "fairersex," men are more apt to admire women who are confident andcarry themselves in a way that screams I RESPECT MYSELF.
As a woman I can easily tell if another woman respectsherself, based on the way she talks, acts and dresses. Ifshe feels she is worthy of distinction, no words arenecessary, since her image speaks for itself. If on theother hand she is loud, disruptive and sloppy inappearance, a man's opinion of her will take a dramaticnose dive.
Two contrasting examples of respect ideology aretalk-show mogul Oprah Wimfrey and media poacher ParisHilton. In one corner you have Oprah, oozing class andintellectual prowess, while reminding everyone why she isone of the world's most influential women. In theadjacent corner is Paris; shallow, eager to display herbody at every opportunity and hell bent on keeping hername in the press, at any and all cost. Now, realistically,who is more respected? Oprah who carries herself like abillionaire empress? Or Paris who associates brazinesswith style and class?
In writing this editorial, I am reminded of something adear friend, Steve Lockett, once said. A man of impeccabletaste whose ability to sense trouble is without peer,"Tale-tell Steve" is a purist in every sense of theword. Not one to sugar coat words, when Steve talks,everybody listens. So it came as no surprise when he saidthat there are two types of women, the ones a man isproud to be seen with and respects. And the other is thewoman who doesn't feel worthy of respect, so men tend todiscard her like day old bread. Not surprisingly, somereaders may view Steve's comments as those of a malechauvinist from a bygone era, but there is a tinge of truthin his verbal tirade.
Clearly, it's hard to respect someone who doesn't thinkmuch of themselves. Granted, this applies to either sex,but since we're talking about women we will limit ourconversation to that gender. Okay back to the article. Toreiterate, if a woman feels that she is a hapless zero,why should anyone respect her, when she doesn't respectherself? To paraphrase Steve, it just goes to show youthat some women have it and some don't.
Lastly, as women let's remind ourselves that if you feelyou are not getting the respect you deserve, take a longhard look at yourself and ask yourself the followingquestions: Are you acting, talking, dressing and behaving ina way that commands respect? Or does your entire demeanorcry out "DON'T CARE" "DON'T WANNA CARE" and "AIN'TNEVER GONNA CARE?" The choice is yours.
* Not her real name
A freelance writer since 1989,Peggy Butler has written forvarious magazines and Internet publications includingImpact Press, Africana.com., TimBook Tu, and The BlackWorld Today. Moreover, Butler who lists collecting 60smemorabilia among her hobbies, writes news, features,sports and entertainment articles, as well as commentariesand humor pieces.
Currently, she is a contributor for theblackmarket.com andauthor of the book "My Head is Bloody, But Unbowed" acandidly raw collection of 40 commentaries symbolizingAfrican-American culture, with topics ranging from colorconsciousness to Black-on-Black violence. Visit her websiteat: http://www.Psbwrite.com