"I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much." -Bob Newhart
Last week we got the news that actor Jude Law cheated on his beautiful fiancee, the actress Sienna Miller, with his children's nanny. The story, which made international headlines, was the subject of a special "Best Week Ever" segment on the Today Show with Katie Couric.
BW Panelist Sherrod Small explained Law's behavior to Katie. "He's a man," he opined.
Which raises two questions: Are men programmed to cheat? And, if a woman with Sienna Miller's assets can't keep a man faithful, what hope is there for the rest of us?
My answer to the first question is a definite no. Men are not programmed to cheat, but every time somebody comes along and says they are (I'm thinking about Goldie Hawn in a recent People interview), the bar is lowered. Women start believing that men are incapable of fidelity, and they stop expecting it.
Men are capable of monogamy. If you want a monogamous relationship, expect monogamy. Don't make excuses, and don't take a guy back after he's fooled around with your best friend. It doesn't matter if you do look like Sienna Miller, if you take a cheater back, you get a cheater. (It's also not a good idea to poach other women's men; you don't walk away with a prize, you know; you get a guy who'll break your heart one day).
To prove my point, a retrospective of Bob Newhart's career aired last week on PBS two days after the revelation about knucklehead Jude Law. Now, maybe you think Bob Newhart is an old man, not very sexy, no Jude Law, but in 1963, when he married his wife, Ginny, he certainly wasn't bad (and he makes people laugh, a real turn-on).
A good deal of the show dealt with his marriage and his devotion to his wife and children. At one point, Newhart and his wife were shown sitting together in the audience at a recent awards ceremony looking crinkly and in love. (Lest you wonder if old Bob cheated on Ginny while he went out on the road, he arranged his schedule so that she and the kids could go with him.)
Another example of a happily monogamous man is Aerosmith's Joe Perry. He and his wife Billie married in 1985. Since then, he doesn't leave home unless she's on board, and he's still writing songs about her (check out his new CD, "Joe Perry").
Isn't that what we all want when we set out to get married? To be loved for being ourselves, to accomplish goals with the man we love, to be allowed to grow old with him gracefully, to sit happily across the table from him 20, 40, and 60 years from now?
So, set your bar high. Forget about men like Jude Law. Hold out for a Bob Newhart or a Joe Perry. They exist, and you deserve nothing less.
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Sign up for her free newsletter at http://www.marrysmart.com and get details on her forthcoming free teleclass on attracting a man who's worthy of you for a change.