You might recall from school the old story “Rime of the Ancient Mariner?by Samuel Taylor Coleridge...
The Mariner's sin in killing the albatross wastruly a sin against himself. But the sin beganwhen the Ancient Mariner changed his perception ofthe good omen. Imagine your partner is thealbatross. You first saw your partner as a goodsign of clear skies ahead. But you shot thealbatross and now it hangs around your neck. Whathappened? Your perception of the albatross (yourpartner) changed from good to bad. This may havebeen for valid reasons, or not. Now the questionyou have to ask is, has your partner really provenby actions that he or she doesn't love you? If heor she has been good but you are feelingresentment, then who is hanging the albatrossaround your neck? You are proving your negativepoint by making your beliefs real. You can do thisby setting someone up for failure. If you expectsomeone to do something out of the ordinary orwithin a certain amount of time (only they don'tknow there is a time factor involved), or expectthem to change a behavior that annoys you yet theydon't know that it does, you are killing thealbatross. And it will lay around your neck.
A very important part of relationships isrealistic expectations of your partner. I knowmyself, I sometimes expect too much from my wife.The problem is not one in which one partner or theother isn't doing enough. It is one where bothpartners aren't doing enough of the right thingsas perceived by the other partner. The problemhere is all about positive communication andteamwork.
And the albatross got its revenge. When I refer toan albatross in relationships, it is when oneperson hangs penance on another. This usuallystems from unspoken resentment. The ideal of arelationship is to have an interaction that ismutually beneficial. You have an albatross whenthere is a dragging weight on one or bothpartners. Either one or both of you aren't beingteam players. We can often accuse the otherpartner of being the albatross, but sometimes thatjust isn't the case. We are creating theperception in ourselves that what we accuse ourpartner of doing is real by perceiving with anegative filter.
The way to remedy the situation is by having goalsetting sessions and reaffirming a positiveperception of your partner. It is amazing how ifyou think about how businesses are successful, youknow they followed a well-defined plan. How oftendo we not have the same sort of plan in amarriage? What do you want out of life? What doesyour partner want? What are your expectations ofyour 40-s,50-s, 60-s? What are your partners?These are things that should be discussed andwritten down. If you know where you both want togo, you can make a plan to work together to getthere. Know what each partner expects and includeit in the plan. By following the plan, you knowwhat is expected. It is measurable. Things thatare measurable can be reached. Detail this plan.Tell each other what you need and how it can bestbe given to you.
The albatross manifests itselfwhen a person expects without asking. When desireis unclear. The albatross makes you see yourpartner as the enemy. If you change your thinkingback to perceiving your partner as your friend,amazingly it will become so. It is easy tomisconstrue the intentions of your partner if youhave embraced the reality that your partner is thealbatross around your neck. We tend to prove toourselves that which we believe. If you believeand affirm that your partner is a beneficial,loving partner in time that is exactly what theywill be. We are not changing our partner, but ourperception of our partner. So often we get in arut of thinking that our partner is ill matched,or that they don't love us, or that they arewishing bad things on us. Sometimes theseperceptions are brought on by things that weresaid in anger; other times they are lines we havedrawn ourselves. If the ancient mariner couldhave just resurrected the albatross he would havebeen free from his penance. Resurrect youralbatross and the living beacon of clear skies andyour voyage to a happier relationship will beunderway!
Until Next Week! Have a Happy Life!
Rasheed Ali (#1 Adversity Consultant) and Bill White (Syncronicity Expert) have just launched http://www.SleepYourWayToRiches.com -- a powerful new success and wealth creation website and http://www.SolutionCoach.com --a powerful business and success coaching site.