From Thanksgiving week til the end of Christmas vacation is about 6 weeks. During this time period there will be more demands on your time than whatever the “usual?demands are.
As the parent, YOU set the tone in your home. The more you can support yourself to enjoy this time, the more your kids will enjoy this time. Get clear on what’s most important to you and your kids and stay on course with that.
Know that your kids are excited, overstimulated, and possibly stressed by the holidays. They need more of your time, not less of it, and they need you calm, grounded, and present for them. Take care of yourself in order to be there for them. Keeping your priorities straight is critical at this time.
Pace yourself! You cannot sustain a 90-mile-an-hour run for 6 weeks straight! Build in some breaks for yourself where you can stop and acknowledge what you’ve done. Slow down for a bit before you break a sweat again. Even elite athletes do interval training.
Re-fill your tank!! You are putting in extra hours doing “holiday work?over and above your usual workload. Build in some time for YOU to replenish, re-nourish, and rejuvenate. Whatever works for you ?do it! Some ideas: do lunch with a friend, read a trashy novel, go swimming, take a nap. Don’t feel guilty! Even your car can’t run on empty.
Keep your expectations of yourself and your kids do-able. Really do-able.
Also. For many people, holidays bring up deep sadness, regret, and loss. Some people feel their own situations are inadequate compared to the culture’s images of what “should be.? If holidays are hard times for you, really really think about what would support you and your kids to have a wonderful time together this year. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s holiday ?let yourself do it the way it will work best for you and your family.
More generally, not specific to holidays, how can you find time for yourself when there is none?
1. Know that it is not about being selfish. It is about re-filling your tank. Even your car cannot run on empty.
2. Know that by the time you REALIZE your tank is empty, it is too late -- you are already stranded on the side of the road. The task is to refuel yourself before you are totally depleted -- when you just fatigued ?and this takes practice. Allow yourself to practice and get good at it. It’s that important.
3. Know that you are your kids?most important resource. It is a key responsibility of yours to keep that resource in good shape ?it’s your fiduciary responsibility!
4. Figure out which of the 9000 things on your “to do?list you can let go of. SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE. Get some help with this if you are stuck.
5. Figure out how to let them go. You may need to renegotiate with yourself or other people. Get some help with this too if you need it. Some ideas:
a. Renegotiate due dates: “I know I said I would have it done by the 10th but I now see I have overcommitted and I cannot deliver it by the 10th. What else could work??br />
b. Cut a deal with yourself: “I will do a blitz on Saturday afternoon, whipping through items 420 through 428 on my list, and Saturday night I will get a sitter and go to a movie!?br />
6. Start underpromising! This is a survival skill for parents. You can always overdeliver. But underpromising gives you breathing room.
May your holiday season be an oasis for you and your family.
If you're considering hiring a coach, contact me for an initial consultation at no charge.
Copyright 2003 Sharon Teitelbaum. All rights reserved.
Sharon Teitelbaum, http://www.stcoach.com, a Work-Life and Career Coach, works with high achieving women with young children, people at mid-career, and professionals seeking greater career satisfaction and work-life balance. She coaches by phone and in person in Boston. Her newsletter, Strategies For Change, offers practical tips for work-life success.
Getting Unstuck Without Coming Unglued: Restoring Work-Life Balance, Sharon's first book, was published in 2005.
A motivational speaker, Sharon also also delivers keynotes & workshops on work-life issues. Clients include Children’s Hospital Boston, SunLife Financial, Arnold Worldwide, and many parent and alumni groups. She's been featured in national publications including The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, and Working Mother Magazine.
Married for 30 years, she is the mother of two amazing young women.