Do you want to be cured of anxiety? The question is much more serious than many people think. Almost everyone with anxiety, panic attacks, or phobias has a reason for keeping hold of it. When I had severe anxiety I dearly wanted to travel. I spent endless hours dreaming of where I would go and what I would do. I poured over atlases and became expert in how I could travel to far flung destinations without flying. The funny thing was, I really didn’t want to go. When I started to look into secondary gain I realised that the idea of being away from home, taking responsibility for myself, being in a foreign country all alone, and exposing myself to lots of danger absolutely petrified me to the core!
Imagine a miracle cure was possible. Imagine it took the form of a drug with no side effects and no risks. You can take one pill and be cured forever. What would you do? Would you travel the world? Go to the top of a tall building? Drive really fast a long a freeway? Go out and take risks? I suspect that you wouldn’t. I think there are things about getting over anxiety which probably scare you enough to make you sabotage your own efforts.
There are two main keys to getting over your secondary gain. The first is to identify it. This is easier said than done. Although I don’t think secondary gain is so deeply buried that you need to do anything radical to find it, it can be hard to find. Sometimes it’s a case of not seeing the wood for the trees. It can be so powerful that when it is dealt with, and you actually want to get over your anxiety with your heart and mind, the whole process becomes much easier. I do not believe that if you deal with the initial cause you will instantly find your solution. I do however believe that if you stop sabotaging your efforts to recover your recovery will be quicker and easier.
To find your secondary gain you can use the following process.
Getting Secondary Gain into the open
1) Take a piece of paper and list all the downsides of having anxiety, panic attacks or a specific phobia. Then list the upsides of keeping hold of them. Keep the piece of paper close to hand for a few days and add to it every time you think of something.
2) Use a meditation technique to focus on the issue of secondary gain. Give yourself permission to become conscious, over the coming hours, days and weeks, of any secondary gain you are getting from your anxiety. The ensuing thoughts may include some odd things, perhaps linked to childhood memories or perhaps something completely different. Either way, note them down on your list.
3) Use a self hypnosis method to speak to your internal counsellor. Ask if there is a reason why you are sabotaging your recovery. Again, give your internal counsellor permission to provide answers at any time, even in dreams. It is important that you keep your list to hand or write down your secondary gains elsewhere to be added to your list later.
4) Allow a few weeks for your list to become complete. Then set about changing thought patterns.
When you have an opportunity to try and beat your anxiety, do you leap at it? Or do you find yourself saying “Hey, I’ll do it tomorrow.? Sometimes this is also down to secondary gain, and therefore you might find it hard to start tackling your secondary gain. The key is to not see it as a mountain to climb. Instead take a first step and chip away at it. Do it bit by bit, agreeing with yourself to do just a few minutes work, if motivation is low. Eventually you will be pulling away secondary gain in chunks, and before you know it you will be free of it!
Look out for my follow up articles where I discuss other issues to getting over anxiety, panic attacks and phobias. I will post details on www.anxiety2calm.com, where all information is given away for free.
I am an ex-anxiety sufferer campaigning against expensive gimmicks targeted at vulnerable anxiety sufferers by cynical businessmen.I set up http://www.anxiety2calm.com to look at therapies, treatments, and gimmicks sold as cures for anxiety. I recommend the books and therapies that actually work, and include sections on meditation, CBT, EFT, TFT, Journey Therapy, and much much more.