Evidence of after-hours activity turned up at a Big Boy restaurant salad bar in Detroit last week, embarrassing not only the perpetrators, but nearly everyone associated with the company.
Apparently, Mike Finney and Rhonda Carrion were working together to close down the restaurant’s soup, salad and dessert bar and, with no one else around, culminated a night of flirting with sexual intercourse right on the bar. Witnesses said they’d been flirting almost the entire shift, and that it was just a matter of time before this happened.
"I speak for the entire company," said Big Boy spokesman, Bob Shue, "when I say that we are completely, totally, and unequivocally embarrassed at this whole situation. I mean, did you see how small that condom was. Nobody could possibly have a penis that small..."
Added Shue, "This really gives Big Boy a bad name."
The condom was found by the morning set up crew who initially mistook the prophylactic for a pencil erasure. The incident was immediately reported to the kitchen supervisor. "I didn’t know what the hell it was at first," he said. "I thought it was a chewed-up chicklet."
Due to the incident, two of the original employees on the scene requested the rest of the day off because they are reportedly still on the break room floor, rolling around with uncontrollable laughter.
"I didn’t think we served shrimp until Friday," said one doubled-over employee. "The toothpicks are supposed to be at the front door. I just peed my pants..."
Finney was unavailable for comment due to the fact that he was reportedly extremely shaken up, and "crying like a little girl." Adding to his predicament, he faces a mandatory write-up, and the possibility of up to a three-day suspension.
"Rhonda is who I really feel bad for," said Shue, "I offered her paid leave, but she wants to work through this...poor thing."
Carrion did, however, release a brief statement offering an apology to everyone involved, saying that she was "totally embarrassed" and "completely unaware we even had sex."
After over 12 years as a waiter and bartender, Dennis Rymarz walked completely away from the business and launched Don't Tip the Waiter, a one-of-a-kind satirical publication that reports fictional news and events from the restaurant industry.
Initially intended specifically for servers and bartenders, the publication is now read by a rapidly growing audience that includes just about anyone who goes out to eat.
Don't Tip the Waiter is distributed free-of-charge to bars and restaurants in the Detroit area, and can be read on line at http://donttipthewaiter.com